Sex or NO Sex - what’s your decision?
I am currently asking the question amongst teenagers what their choice is when it comes to sex. Have they made a deliberate decision to wait until a certain age or marriage, or with a certain kind of person. Will they wait to have sex with the person they want to marry and do they choose to wait till marriage. So many questions, but it’s interesting to know what and why they make the decisions they do. With so much confusion and pressure over this issue how do this generation of young people make a choice about their sex lives? What and who has the greatest influence when it comes to this very important part of their lives, and will they stick to that decision?
Our eldest daughter has just entered a relationship in which they both have chosen to remain pure until marriage. They are both committed to making that choice but I know as a human being that does not mean denying their sexuality and desire for that kind of intimacy. They now have to navigate through the strong, God given desire by making wise choices and being accountable to others and keeping communication open with us as parents. It’s not an easy thing but that doesn’t mean it is not possible.
I believe for them to remain pure during this season of their relationship requires an understanding of God’s perspective on sex. I’ve been reading Rob Bell’s book titled “Sex God” and I love what he has to say on this subject. He explains how when we live in a way as to satisfy our every sexual desire without restraint we are merely living as the animals do, denying the spiritual dimension of our lives. He says “It’s to assume that people are going to have sex because they can’t help themselves. This perspective is presented as freedom and honesty and just being who you are and doing what comes naturally, but it’s built on the belief that certain things are inevitable. What it really teaches is that people cannot transcend the physical dimensions of their existence. It views people much like animals.” p. 53 Sex God
He then goes on to say we can do the pendulum swing to the other side and totally deny the physical desires God has placed within us, and act like the angels who are purely spiritual beings with no physical body. This tries to shut down the sexual dimension regarding it as dirty and unGodly. it’s the kind of thinking that leaves parents unable to talk to their kids about sex in a healthy positive and open way. Parents fail to communicate with their kids about sex because they can’t think of them being created as sexual beings. Yet God has created us body, soul and spirit. Physical and spiritual and with the ability to make logical decisions with our mind.
How we communicate to our kids about sex will have a dramatic and lasting impression on them. Rob Bell speaks about a friend who interviewed Hugh Hefner, founder of the Playboy empire, revealing how he was raised in a setting in which sex was for procreation only and the rest was sin. Hugh Hefner goes on to say, ” Our family was Prohibitionist, Puritan in a very real sense…Never hugged. Oh, no. There was absolutely no hugging or kissing in my family. There was a point in time when my mother, later in life, apologized to me for not being able to show affection. That was, of course , the way I’d been raised, I said to her , ” Mum, you couldn’t have done it any better, and because of the things you weren’t able to do, it set me on a course that changed my life and the world.” p. 60 Sex God.
As a parent, what you do or don’t do speaks volumns. Don’t make the mistake of avoiding tension or difficult questions, just be open, available and honest. If your a teenager I encourage you to really think very carefully about the choices you make regarding sex.
The fact is most sexually active teens say they wish they had waited until they were older before having sex. Nearly two thirds of sexually active teens state that they regret their initial sexual activity and wish they had waited until they were older before becoming sexually active. (Facts about Abstinence Education published by the Heritage Foundation)
Sharlene Cheetham